LIFE

I have been traped in a hospital for nearly a week. Now I'm barried in calsswork and homework. In every calss not one noe two all eight. Next week is going to be hell. Nothing but non stop classwork and being up at 2 in the moring. How great now i have to babysit my neice and nephews. Sigh..... Oh well if you wondering what I was in the hospital. I had some sweling in my neck. fome some meds i was taking (doctor aproved of coesed). My life keeps getting better and better. My mom is still blaming my dad for everthing.My sister is going behind my back teing my brother everything I do. I have been trap at my sisters place. Hugh...... sigh.

Yay my dads out of jail and now has been telling me I deed to start drawing more real things like people.I like drawing cartoons. I can make them do things people cant.Plus I'm good at it.And my mom says he the cause of our problems. She said hes going to be paying our rent and stuff but wont live with us.How fuck up is that. They have been together for 18+ years. And she is willing to give it all up. I hate it I know once he went to jail. But I don't think its his fault. Can she blame his friends for liying to him about them saying that they were going to help us.

Sick

I haven't been posting any thing in a while because I have been in the hospital. For those who care why I'll tell you. One night I felt my neck and  there was a small bump it only hurt to the touch. So ignored it and went to bed thinking it was just a misquote bite. I woke up to see my neck swollen. I ran and told my sister. Then she called my mom. they took me to my doctor.They said if I couldn't breath or if it started hurting or fever go to ER. Next morning it hurt like hell and I couldn't get breath. My mom took me to the hospital they checked my neck through a ct scan. By the way scary as hell. later on they gave some antibiotics. And one it got in my system it tasted horrible. Now I'm better and return to my life as a depressed girl.

My Christmas

My Christmas was a lot better than I expected for one I got something! And it was a guitar how awesome and my oldest bro gave me 20 bucks that’s kind of cool considering my situation. But sadly enough the diary of a depressed girl doesn’t stay good. We can’t afford rent on our house so we have to move and my mom’s going to check in to a hospital cause her pains are getting worse and that’s not good because she is an epileptic (she has seizure). My bro and sis are going to stay with my sis. And we don’t have a lot of money coming in sense my dad went to jail. So once my mom get out we have to find an apartment we have no idea what’s going to happen to the dogs. And I’m the only one who got something for Christmas. Yet another reason for my bro and sis to hate me

I feel like a Monster

I feel like a Monster I don't like to see babies cry anyone for that matter ,commercials that over sell their product (it’s stupid), I don't like Gorge W. Bush, not a big fan of war, I don't like that I always am sick, or how I look, I don't like my hair, I don't like that I'm only going to be remembered as a random girl who can draw, I rely just don't like myself in general ...........ya I don't like myself....at all. I am absolutely not perfect. Some times I feel like everyone hates me that their trying to kill me in a sense. Oh by the way that is rely a song "Monster" for those who don't know Skillet is the band who made the song. You have no idea how many times I’ve listen to this song. My all time favorite. I hate myself. Ya I hate myself. I want to die so much I have actually prayed to die hasn't yet happened. Well you know that or else I would be able to tell you this whoever stops to read oh um sorry if it boring that's another thing about myself I don't like. Well that's all I'm thinking about now another page of a diary of a depressed girl.

My Toughts

•  My old English teacher told me that when there's something on your mind write about it. I think I might write a book or keep a dream journal or something. I've already starting writhing something that I got from a strange dream I had.
• Me and some friends were tinkling about having a Ritz party like off the commercial. We always do stuff like that and now it feels like normal. We thought of a bunch of cheese fountains and Ritz hats.
• The show that is my all time favorite show scoobydo I know all the theme songs (geek moment).that and the simpsions.
• I've had this cold that just  wont go away i've had it for about week now

Hurt



Some say that as long as you have a mother and farther to "love" you and "care for you" with a roof over you head. You should be happy.Bullshit my mom hates me my dads in jail and so far I'm not feeling the love. I have put up with my moms shit for years to be honest I cant remember feeling loved. My "brother" raped my nephew and tried to do it a second time on Christmas my younger "sister" walked in to see my brother with his underwear around his ankles and my nephew laying on the bed without his underweare  be for he could do anything and all of my nieces and nephews were there. Now my "mom" is trying to send my "brother" to jail hes on parole for attempted rape. And ever sense my dad went to jail my "mom" has been beating the shit out of him and now it has happened so much it has become normal. She also makes him walk to school and my "sister" has become the all time favorite. Everything she ask for she gives her no matter what it is. And it seems that everything is only getting worse sometimes I just want to kill myself.